


you're the reason i'm still up at dawn

by nikkiRA



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: M/M, hello would you like to taste my maple syrup i made it from all this SAP, i am a bad canadian, i don't actually know if you use sap to make maple syrup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 22:50:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8552521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikkiRA/pseuds/nikkiRA
Summary: "I don’t think you’re bored, Jesper. I think you’re just not used to standing still.”He thinks back to their first kiss, of Wylan’s voice in his ears, breathe, breathe.“I don’t know how to stop.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> _you're my number one, you're the reason i'm still up at dawn, just to see your face_  
>  \-- fire escape, andrew mcmahon

For the first two weeks after Inej leaves, Jesper doesn’t sleep.

Well, strictly speaking that’s not true. He sleeps, but only because eventually it becomes impossible not to, but he is restless, closing his eyes for an hour or two before rising and wandering the house.

Once or twice he even heads to the Slat, checks in with Kaz, who always seems to be up. He is restless since Inej left. Jesper can’t blame him. So is he. Inej was the last bit of normalcy Jesper had. Before any of this, before the Ice Court, before Wylan and Matthias, before even Nina, really, it was the three of them. Him and Kaz and Inej. And now Inej was gone and neither Jesper or Kaz really knew what to do without her.

It wasn’t just Inej. Jesper had been moving for so long. Fighting and gambling and shooting and swindling. A life of crime and excitement, and it’s hard to go from the biggest heist that has ever been accomplished to life like this, with his friends scattered, his debts dealt with, his life in order… well, Jesper doesn’t really know what to do with all his time.

And it’s not that he’s bored. Honestly he’s not. It’s just that the excitement level of his life now versus his life before are very different.

He had talked to Kaz about it, briefly. Kaz had told him it was culture shock and had given him a look that said they did not have this sort of relationship and continued to complain to Jesper about the new Spider.

“I miss Inej, too,” he had said, to which Kaz had denied that it was Inej he missed, simply her talent. Jesper thinks he must be trying to convince himself, since it sure as hell isn’t convincing Jesper.

He doesn’t tell Wylan. Wylan watches him closely, as if waiting for the day Jesper decides he really wasn’t cut out for the merch life and left. Jesper doesn’t want to leave. He just wishes there was a better way to mix his two lives.

Wylan watches him closely. Jesper tries to assuage his fears, tries to smile and laugh, kisses him against every flat surface that he can. Wylan smiles back, laughs back, kisses back in a way that makes Jesper’s toes curl, but he still watches closer than Jesper is comfortable with. Like he’s looking for cracks.

Wylan worries far too much, really. He worries about his mother, about Marya’s sad eyes, about the way she looks around the house, how all the pictures she paints are Wylan as an eight-year-old boy. Almost nine years locked away have taken their toll, and whoever Marya Van Eck was, she is a fragment of her former self.

Wylan worries. Wylan worries about his mother and his imprisoned father, worries about the merchant council, worries about the papers Jesper reads to him at night. He worries about how long it’s been with no word from Nina, worries about Inej, worries about Kaz without Inej. Jesper tries to smooth out the worry lines, tries to get him to relax, but once the pleasure falls away the worry is right back once again.

Wylan worries so much. He shouldn’t have to worry about Jesper, too.

So Jesper doesn’t tell him. Jesper doesn’t tell him about the late nights. He tells him of the nights he heads back to the Slat, but he doesn’t tell him of the nights he stares at the ceiling, or the ones where he lies on the grass and tries to count the stars. Like this night. And he doesn’t know if there are enough numbers in the world to count the stars, but he sure as hell is going to try.

But truly – truly – he should have known.

“Have you found any new constellations?”

“I don’t know. Has anyone ever figured out that that thing kind of looks like a big spoon?”

Wylan lies down next to him, aligning their sides. “I’m pretty sure that one’s been spoken for.”

“Damn,” Jesper says. He continues looking up at the sky when he says, “How long have you known I haven’t been sleeping?”

“I woke up last week to get a drink and saw you out here. I put the pieces together.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?”

“I wanted to wait. I didn’t want to crowd you.”

“You’re not crowding me,” he says softly. “I just didn’t want to worry you.”

“I know that you can handle yourself, Jes.”

“Sorry. I just… can’t sleep. I don’t know why. Kaz says it’s culture shock.”

“You talked to Kaz about this?” Wylan is a jealous person, but it’s not jealousy his voice is thick with, but disbelief. Jesper laughs.

“Not really. He gave me a look that said this was not his area and that he was not going to talk about it.”

Wylan’s finger entwine with his own.

“There’s a smaller spoon too, you know.”

Jesper smiles, turns into Wylan’s shoulder, says, “I miss Inej. I miss everyone.”

“I know.” Wylan does not say that he does, too, although he knows that he does, and Jesper appreciates it. He doesn’t doubt that Wylan misses them, too, but he seems to understand that Jesper misses them in a different way.

“It’s not that I’m bored.” He wants to let Wylan know, wants to make sure Wylan doesn’t think that he doesn’t want this life.

“I know. I don’t think you’re bored, Jesper. I think you’re just not used to standing still.”

He thinks back to their first kiss, of Wylan’s voice in his ears, _breathe, breathe._

“I don’t know how to stop.”

“You don’t have to stop. I think you just need to find a different way to start.”

Jesper hums into Wylan’s shoulder. “Any suggestions?”

“Maybe there’s a medium spoon somewhere out there.”

Jesper laughs.

“Life doesn’t stop being exciting just because you’re not getting shot at.”

“You say that as someone who doesn’t enjoy being shot at.”

“I say that as a normal person.”

Jesper kisses him, then. That’s something he will never get bored of. Each kiss feels like the first. Like breath into his lungs.

“I could start shooting rubber bullets to wake you up in the mornings, if you’d like.”

“What about real bullets?”

Wylan lets out a huff of laughter. “You’re pushing it.”

Jesper turns onto his back again and looks up at the stars. Beside him, Wylan yawns.

“Go to sleep,” Jesper says. Wylan hums in agreement and turns, using Jesper’s shoulder as a pillow.

“I meant inside, Wy.”

“Hmm,” Wylan hums again. Jesper just smiles, tucking his chin into Wylan’s curls.

And a few minutes later, for the first time in weeks, Jesper falls asleep and stays that way.

**Author's Note:**

> this is rushed and overly fluffy but it's the first thing i've been able to write in literal weeks because of how busy with school and work that i've been so forgive me for not updating the two multichap fics i have i'm sorry
> 
> Tumblr @jesfahev


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